All Hallow's Eve
by epochvacuous
Summary: I don't know why I wrote this, it's July, not October...this is my first fic, so,please be nice....rated R for language, sexual situations and uh, "mature themes"


I don't own Gundam Wing, Bandai and Sotusa (sp?) Agencies. I don't own Tylenol or Wal-Mart either (which is a really awesome store, especially when it's like 2 a.m. and your all sugared up and need someplace to go....by the way, if you take those wheel chair thingys and don't need them, you may be kicked out..be careful). Please do not sue me, cause I have no money.......please r&r..and don't be too harsh, even though I know it sucks majorly.....besides, I blame it all on my muses, Evil Hand Turkey Bob and Spanks.....  
  
  
  
  
Log Date: Halloween A.C 195  
It seems that we have nothing more appropriate to do than dress up as each other and go "clubbing". We all drew names from a hat to see who would get who, I get to dress like Trowa. Duo, damn that baka American, this was all his idea. Wufei refuses to play and keeps muttering things about 'injustices'. Quatre got Wufei; Trowa got me; Duo got Quatre and since Wufei refuses to play, Relena picked and she got Duo. (Note to Self: add 'kill Relena' to "Things To Do List"....... also add 'buy underwear'.....)The evening should prove most interesting.  
-H. Yuy  
  
Later, that evening.....  
All was quite until........  
Wufei: Injustice! Injustice! I tell you this type of thing should be illegal! Argggg!!!   
Wufei stomped into the living room and plopped down on the couch next to already dressed Duo and Trowa.  
Duo: What the hell Wu-man?  
Before Wufei could answer Quatre slinked into the room. He was wearing some of Wufei's clothing and his blond hair was now black, well, sort of.  
Duo: Cool Quatre, you dyed your hair black!   
Wufei: No, look, it's purple! (Pulling Quatre closer to the others to reveal the actual color of his hair)  
Duo: Ha! That's so cute!  
Quatre: (near tears) My hair is blond......I didn't know it would turn purple.......I've never done this before....I....I....Trowa! (Rushes into Trowa's arms)  
Wufei: Injustice!  
Trowa: It's okay Quat, just calm down. Is it the wash out type?  
Quatre: *sniff* No, it's permanent.  
Wufei: Arggg! Kisama!  
Relena: What's all the yelling about?(peaks her head into living room) Well what do you guys think? (Prances into the room)  
Relena looked like...the Scream Killer. She was adorned in the black dress, the white mask and her hair fashioned in Duo's signature braid.  
Duo: Uhhhh....I never wore that....at least I don't think I have.......  
Relena: (pulling mask off) Hey Quatre, what's wrong with your hair? Why's it purple?  
Wufei: Argggg! Injustice! (stalks out of the room)  
Relena shrugged and sat next to Duo who had borrowed some of Quatre's clothes and bought a very real looking blond wig. Trowa was trying to convince Quatre that Wufei would get over it. Trowa looked remarkably like Heero, he had messed up his hair and bought some green and black spandex (which was cutting the circulation off in his legs) and with the aide of tinted contacts, his eyes were now blue.   
Heero, hearing the others arguing, reluctantly came out into the living room. He had borrowed some of Trowa's clothes and actually had gotten his hair to look like Trowa's, with the help of a lot of Salon Selective's Gel and hairspray.   
Duo: Oi Heero! You look a lot like Trowa! Awesome!  
Heero: (To self) God, how did I get dragged into this?  
  
-En route to the club...  
Duo: This wig is cool, I love this wig! (Smiles goofily and runs ahead of the group)  
Relena: I can't see anything in this mask......Duo, did you ever wear this thing? Heero said you did.....(wanders aimlessly about the sidewalk)  
Heero: ..........................  
Quatre: Gomen....(crying and sobbing)........gomen..........  
Trowa: Shhhhh.....  
Wufei: (Every time the group passes under a street light and hits on Quate's hair) Injustice...kisama.....stupid Duo and his baka ideas........  
As the group approached the club they were greeted with the sight of Duo giving away all of his clothing, except his silk, black boxers, to a homeless man in rags.  
Duo: Here ya go pal, you need these more than I do and besides, pink really isn't my color.  
Homeless Man: (looks at Duo warily then runs away screaming in fear)  
Duo: Shesh, try to help someone and look at what happens!  
Wufei: What are you doing?!  
Duo: Calm down, I was just trying to help. Have some fun Wufei!   
Duo flashes his famous smile and grabs Wufei and Relena, just before she wanders off into traffic.   
Heero: (To self) Damn it Duo, why couldn't you let her wander off into traffic? It would save me a lot of valuable time that I could have used staring at my computer...look, there's a quarter on the ground.  
Duo: C'mon everyone, cheer up! It's all Hollow's Eve! Let's party!......Uhhhh, Heero what are you picking up?  
  
3 hours, 4 martinis (Quatre's), 1 bottle of Southern Comfort Whiskey (Wufei's), 1 bottle of Sky Vodka, 6 limes, 2 pitchers of Red Dog beer (Trowa, Heero and Duo's), 3 or 4 wine coolers (Relena's), 10 Tylenols and 11 or 12 threats to "Please stop singing, or we will throw you outs" later......  
Duo: My loneliness is kiiiiiillllllling me nooooowww; I must confess I still beeelieeeve!  
Relena: When I'm not with you I looossseee my mind....  
Quatre: Give me a siiigggn! Hit me baby one more time!  
Wufei: Sweet Nataku! Please make it stop! (covers ears and grimaces)  
Heero: ..........  
Trowa: ............  
Duo, Quatre and Relena disappear onto the dance floor to torture the world, hooting and hollering.  
Wufei: It should be illegal for those three to drink.  
Heero: ...............  
Trowa: ...............  
Wufei: *sigh* I need...more whiskey.......(saunters off)  
Heero: ...................  
Trowa: (To self)Hit me baby one more time....arg, damn song......  
10 minutes later........  
Heero: ..............  
Trowa: ...............  
Duo: Hiya guys! (gets no response) Weeeeelll, I can tell a lot is happening over here! (leaves to go dance)  
Wufei: (returns with Whiskey) This is the good shit not tha-.......(turns pale)  
Trowa: Nani? Wufei?  
Wufei: (points, hand trembling to something across the club) Look...Quatre....he's....  
Trowa: Oh my GOD! (covers face with hands trying to hide his embarrassment)   
Quatre was standing on a table across the club doing his rendition, a very good one at that, of "I'm Too Sexy" and was slowly stripping for a bunch of college boys.  
Heero: How much do you want to bet that Duo talked him into it by telling him they were homeless guys? (takes long drink of beer)  
Just then the owner of the nightclub comes over and starts to yell at Quatre, telling him to get off of the table or he'll call the cops, Quatre calmly slaps him in the face and then resumes his "show". Two ushers are called over to 'assist' Duo, Relena and Quatre out. Duo gets all defensive goes into 'killer karate' mode, Relena starts to scream and Quatre.....keeps on dancing.  
Trowa: We should get them and leave....  
  
Outside club......  
Quatre: No ones an-e fun.....If I wanna dance neked..I should be...be....  
Trowa: (silently aides Quatre).........  
Relena and Duo have wandered off ahead of the group:  
Relena: (singing seriously off key) Right now I think I would try anything, anyyything at all to keep you satisfied, God I hope you see what losing you will do to me, all I want is one more chance sooo tell me, what do I have to do?  
Duo:( Plays air guitar while humming loudly and spinning uncontrollably around the side walk)  
Heero:(To self)C'mon Relena, just a little bit more to the left....  
The group travels onward towards the house. Duo and Relena continue torturing the world by singing, Trowa is now carrying Quatre, Heero's whishing that a truck would just swerve off the road and hit Relena, Wufei was thinking about Quatre's purple hair, Duo's stupidity, Relena's nice ass, Heero's stupid turtle neck shirt..........  
Duo: Home! We're home! (Trips up the stairs and into the house, loud bangs and crashes can be heard from inside)  
Trowa: Quat, go to bed, K?   
Quatre: (mumbles something unintelligible)gmmmmmffffttt..........  
Heero: Geez, all I want is some more Tylenol.  
Wufei wanders over to the garden and starts to "relieve" himself onto Relena's prize winning rose bush.  
Relena: Oi! Stop That! That is my prize-winning hybrid Lincoln rose bush!   
Wufei: And?  
Relena: And you're going to kill it!  
Wufei: No way, I've pissed on this thing plenty of times...hm....maybe that's what made it so nice! (Zips up his pants and shoots a sly look over to Relena who is in shock) Hey don't be tryin' to steal any peaks.  
Relena: Ugg, Neanderthal boy. Besides, I've already heard what it looks like from Sally. (Grins evilly)  
Wufei: Nani?! What did that onna say?  
Relena: Oh, only that your dick looked like a shriveled up little pickle and the "High and Mighty Chang Wufei" is not so mighty in bed! (Relena giggles and starts to go inside)  
Wufei: (to self) Damn little tease, I'll show her...(runs up after Relena, grabs her around the waist) Yeah Relena, How 'bout I show you, hmmmm, what do you say?   
Relena: NO WAY! I will not sleep with any man that isn't my husband. (Begins to push herself away from Wufei)  
Wufei: (pulls a terrified Relena back into his arms) Well now, we'll just have to fix that now won't we?  
  
Inside:  
Duo stumbles up the stars and into his bedroom, practically knocking everything over. Tearing off his costume, or what's left of his costume, and climbs into his bed, not bothering with taking his hair down or removing any of his make-up.  
  
15 minutes later:  
Trowa: Quat, you sleep? (stumbles into room)  
Duo: (uhhh...."Quatre") *snores *   
Trowa shrugs and pulls off his clothes.  
Trowa: (to self) How the hell does Heero wear these clothes? Shesh. Look at Quatre, he's so cute when he's sleeping, I kinda actually like his hair that color....hmmmm  
Trowa ops to get into Quatre's bed.  
Trowa: (wrapping his arms around "Quatre" and kisses his neck) Hey....  
Duo/Quatre: Hmmm.....He...  
Trowa: Do you wanna......? (lays light kisses on "Quatre's" back and neck)  
Duo/Quatre: Mmmm-hhmm........K  
Trowa: (to self) God, I've got to get him drunk more often..........(smiles evilly)   
(a/n: I don't think anyone needs me to spell out what happens next, wink, wink ^_~ )  
  
In Kitchen:   
Quatre, who now is suddenly wide-awake, sits at the table eating Ben-n-Jerrys Cherry Garcia. He's forgotten how he got home and almost every detail of what had happened that night since they got to the bar.  
Heero: Hey Quatre, I see you're not dancing on that table.  
Quatre: Huh?  
Heero: (shakes his head) Nothing..........(sits down)  
Quatre: Bored?  
Heero: Hn.  
Quatre: Well, do you....wanna do somethin'?  
Heero: (head snaps up, Prussian eyes widen) Like what?  
Quatre: (leans over the table and smiles impishly) Well, there's something I've always wanted to do....  
  
Next Morning (dun, dun, duuuuunnnn):   
Relena:AAAAAHHHHHHH............OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!!!!!! WUFEI!!!! What the hell are you doing in my bed and naked! (leaps out of the bed and pulls sheet on as cover)  
Wufei: (doesn't open eyes) Relax, Relena...we're married now...it's okay.......(re-plays what he just said in his head)....OH, SWEET NATAKU! (leaps out of bed)  
Relena: (stares at the matching gold rings on their fingers) I'm married....to you....oh my....(faints).  
Wufei: Uhh, Relena? (leans over the bed to see if she's dead or not)  
  
The Bedroom:   
Duo: Heero...(wraps his arm around Trowa/Heero)  
Trowa: ........(sleeping)  
Duo: (untangles himself from Trowa/Heero) I'm going to go get some breakfast.......(kisses him on the shoulder)  
  
Kitchen:  
Duo enters the "Disaster Zone", there are Wal-Mart bags all over, empty bottles of liquor, make-up and womens lingerie.  
Duo: What the hell? (Duo notices Polaroid pictures all over the fridge) What the fuck happened last night, did a gaggle of drag queens blow through here?   
Heero: No stupid......now close the freezer, it's cold.  
Duo: What the hell, where are you? Nani?! Why are you on the fridge and in all of those clothes?  
Heero, who is clad in a shiny, black leather teddy that laced in the front, red fishnet stockings and make-up, shrugs and grabs a picture from Duo.  
Heero: See, these people are me and Quatre, now leave me alone.   
Duo: What do you mean? You...were just in our room.  
Heero: No, I was with Quatre all night.  
Duo: (to self) Then who was...oh, no.....  
Quatre: Duo! (Quatre grabs Duo and pulls him into a massive bear hug) Morning! Want some coffee?  
Quatre giggles and sits on the counter top, smiling goofily. He too is dressed up, only he's wearing a frilly electric pink nighty and has obviously tried to dye his hair back to blond, but now it's an orange-ish color.  
Duo: Uh, that's okay. Say Quatre, where's Trowa?  
Quatre: Sleeping, I'd presume. Hey, where were you last night, you weren't in your room, we wanted to see if you wanted to go with us.  
Duo: (too stunned to speak).......  
Trowa: (saunters into room, winks at Quatre) Hey babe. Morning Duo, uh, you too Heero.  
Hey Quatre last night was awesome. Hey Du, I got lucky last night, how 'bout you?(smiles slyly)   
Duo: (pales and thinks to himself) I bet you got lucky......  
Trowa: Hey, did you just do that to your hair? It wasn't like that in bed last night...  
Duo: (tries to casually walk towards back door)  
Quatre: I went to Wal-Mart with Heero last night, I never went to bed. (gets confused look)  
Trowa: Well then who....? (eyes dart to now awake Heero and then to Duo, who smiles nervously) Oh, God no........  
Quatre: What's going on? (more confused)  
Heero: (slides off fridge) Trowa, did you and Duo fuck last night?  
(a/n: yeah, you knew that everyone else would find out.....but hey, it was all Bob's idea, really)  
Quatre: NANI!   
Trowa: I know I slept with someone last night.....  
Duo: I know I slept with someone too.....and whoever it was, they were on top, I know that. (Duo whined rubbing his ass)  
Quatre: What's going on here....I don't understand....Trowa?(near tears)   
Trowa: Jesus! I thought you were Quatre!  
Duo: I thought you were Heero!  
Heero: Nani?! (turns on poor Duo)  
Duo: I mean...oops....(slides closer to the door)  
Heero: Why the hell did you think it was me? (Heero=psycho)  
Duo: Uh.....cause....I kinda wanted you to...(Duo=scarred)   
Heero: God duo....let's go.(proceeds to drag terrified Duo out of the room by his braid)  
Duo: Ep! Where are we going? Heero, one last wish don't bury my body by Relena's damn rosebushes, Wufei pisses on them!  
Heero: We're going to talk and then I'm going to fuck your brains out, now quit yelling.  
Duo: Nani?! (a bedroom door is slammed)  
Quatre and Trowa stand in awkward silence, neither knowing what to say.  
Trowa: Um, gomen, I really didn't know......god, how trashed were we?  
Quatre: It's all right, I guess we both got really trashed and did weird things.  
Trowa: Yeah, what is all of this?  
Quatre: Uh, well, Heero and I wanted to know what it would be like dressing up like girls.   
Trowa: (smiles) Why, I think you're just as adorable as a guy. Now what so you say to trying to fix that hair?  
Relena: I WANT A DIVORCE! (runs into kitchen still using sheet as clothing)  
Wufei: No way! Chang Wufei does not give up on things, this marriage is getting a chance.....(he is using a pillow as clothing)  
Quatre: Uh, you guys what's going on here?  
Relena: We obviously eloped last night so we could have sex...  
Wufei: And now that she got some she wants a divorce! I say NO!   
Trowa: Hey Wu, was it really that good?  
Quatre: Shush Tro.  
Wufei: We are not divorcing! I do not go back on my word, we are giving this a try! You are my wife Relena Chang, deal with it!  
Relena: Argg!   
*knock, knock, knock*  
Quatre: Uh, come on in.   
A burly delivery man comes into the door and looks around warily.  
Delivery Man: Um, is this a bad time?  
Quatre: No, how may we help you sir?  
D.M: Are you Quatre Winner?  
Quatre: Uh, yes I am, why?  
D.M: Oh, good, could you please sign here?  
Quatre: For what? (signs papers)  
D.M: For the Malibu Barbie Dream House you ordered last night, don't you remember? (Quatre pales and Wufei snickers). By the way doesn't a Heero Yuy reside here? We've got what he ordered also.  
  
Log:  
Date: Nov. 1 A.C 195  
We have banned drinking in this house after what happened last night. I can no longer carry out my plans to kill Relena because she is now Mrs. Chang and could soon be a mother, I feel sorry for Wufei. But last night wasn't such a complete disaster; I got to fuck Duo and I now own the entire Miss. Pretty Costume Set......actually, I shouldn't be bragging about the later one of those....  
-H. Yuy   
  
  
  



End file.
